1. If you’re back commuting, grab a Cornish pasty and mini bottle of Scotch whisky at the train station before you head home. While on the train tell the person in front that both items are protected by geographical indications and then congratulate yourself for contributing to good social distancing measures when the person gets up to move to a different seat.
2. Listen to Taylor Swift’s “Shake it off” and contemplate how the unoriginality of her lyrics saved her from a copyright lawsuit. Then listen to her albums Evermore and Folklore back to back and wish you had been half as productive as Taylor was during lockdown.
3. Write a poem for your friends about how much you love IP. When they tell you it’s complete crap, lie and say it was written by a robot and that you’re actually just trying to push the envelope by getting the poem copyright protection.
4. Practise being a judge by taste-testing a caterpillar cake from Aldi and Marks & Spencer (M&S). If you can distinguish a difference between the cakes, rule in Aldi’s favour.
5. Take an Uber to Walmart to buy your groceries. On the way brag to your driver about how your company has never been sued for trade secret violations. As you get out of the Uber remember to tip your driver and give him 5 stars.
6. During a Zoom meeting, doodle a trademarked image of Captain Ahab from Moby Dick on the back of a case brief. Daydream about fulfilling your dream of opening a fair trade coffee chain using the trademark and not having Starbucks sue you for infringement.
7. Engage your children in an artistic and intellectual exercise by asking them to draw different models of chairs. When they are finished, begin a lecture about the doctrine of equivalents. Your kids will definitely think you have the coolest job ever.
8. Change your WhatsApp profile picture to a selfie of a monkey and wait for your friends to ask you for explanation.
9. Take bets on your work group chat on whether Nokia will post a €7 billion ($8.3 million) bond to enforce its injunction against Daimler, and then waste 10 minutes of your life looking out the window wondering what you would do with €7 billion.
10. Take out a subscription to Managing IP.
